Thankfulness Born of Tears

          My brother has been an invalid for 20 years. During this time he has been able to feed himself with his one good hand and walk from room to room with a walker. His family worked out a schedule and helped him with all other needs. His pain has led to depression and addiction to his pain medication. About two months ago he simply gave up and could no longer feed himself, walk from one room to another, or even want to try. All he could do was scream for the pain medication. 

          His “residence” has changed from Christ Hospital to Drake Care Center, where he made minimal progress. Currently he is at Mt. Washington Care Center. When I visit him, it is difficult not to burst into tears and run from the room. How painful it was to see my only brother so very clear in mind and so totally helpless in body. I managed to contain the tears until I got back to the monastery and let the tears flow. 

          Having visited him several times, I no longer feel depressed but am filled with gratitude. I thank and praised God that I can get out of bed by myself, stand up, walk, and take a refreshing shower. I experience deep gratitude that I can get my hand to my mouth to enjoy a cup of coffee. I feel truly alive, positive and take nothing for granted. There is a new pleasure in going down the steps to chapel to pray with the community. I am shocked that I have taken for granted so many of God’s gifts. When I ironed the linens used for Eucharist yesterday, I praised and thanked God for my ability to iron for the Lord. I asked God to open my eyes and grace me with a moment to moment gratitude for God’s overwhelming goodness to me in my senior years. I ask the Lord that this grace of gratitude may be ongoing. I made a mental picture of a poster that reads, “Live with an attitude of gratitude.”Then I wrote that quote on my heart.

        Sr. Victoria Eisenman, OSB