Recently with increasing age
and increasing disabilities I have been contemplating end of life issues at the
behest of my primary doctor. Many know
that Henri Nouwen and Thomas Merton have been
my favorite companions for many years; likewise my spiritual director for 20
years Louis J. Lipps SJ who is currently enjoying his reward in heaven. My OSB Benedictine Monastery has also been
rich in fertile ground for contemplation and spiritual
enrichment through examples of holy women in their pursuit of holiness in
becoming one with Jesus. Much of the following thoughts are coming from reviewing some of my past
journaling.
2 Cor.4:18 “ So fix our eyes
not on what is seen, but what is unseen for what is seen is temporary, but what
is unseen is eternal.” It seems that one
of the mysteries of life Is that memory may often
bring us closer to each other than actual physical presence. Physical presence not only
invites but can blocks communication. In our pre-resurrection state our bodies
hide as much as they reveal, indeed, many of our conversations only touch on
the periphery of our lives while
ongoing sharing of deeper thoughts creates this closeness we seek. The more experience in
living we have the more we sense that this continuous interplay between both memory and felt
presence the closer we become within the body of Jesus Christ. Nouwen mentions
times he has sat before the tabernacle for an hour of prayer and meditation
which ends up not being a period of serious attentiveness to the divine.
Mysteries but rather fatigue,
distractions, inner restlessness confusion and sleepiness.
That describes my attempts to
quiet meditation. However he/I still seek this that knowing That being in the Presence of
the Lord and knowing that that He knows me and understands me is still fulfilling. God
is truly greater than our/my senses, greater than my seemingly scattered
thoughts, and definitely greater than my heart.
I have become much more
attuned to our daily recitation of the Divine Office which we pray
4x daily. Since retiring from
work because of these noted disabilities I am not quite as distracted as previous. It is amazing
how these psalms inspire us to voice our own deepest feelings and aspirations.
Psalm 139 has become my go to psalm with its many lofty thoughts of God’s knowledge of all my thoughts
and inability to hide from Him even if I flee to the heavens to get away.
Happy befriending death.
Sr. Joan Gripshover, OSB
