Of Doorways and Differences

       Have you ever thought about how many transitions we experience each day? They come in all levels of significance from walking through a doorway to losing a job, but all involve change of some kind, letting go of something. Sometimes these go unnoticed because we are focused on the next thing. Other times the letting go is so demanding or painful, it absorbs us completely.

       One of the things that strikes me about these situations is that in each one there is a moment where 2 very different things are held side-by-side as we navigate the transition. In the case of a doorway, it could be two rooms, each having a very different purpose, like cooking/sleeping. In the case of losing a job, it could be the sense of meaning and worth meeting a sense of loss and indignation. The doorway?  trivial and hardly noticed.  The job? This could be overwhelming.

       Strikingly different things side by side usually create dissonance. This disrupts a normal pattern of our existence, sometimes painfully, other times creatively. Artists often use dissonance, aural or visual, in their work to give us another point of reference. Some common examples of differences co-existing include things like vegetable soup, patchwork quilts, or a Bernstein overture. In fact, one important principle in communication theory is called “cognitive dissonance.” This occurs when one apparent truth  is jarred by another “truth” coming in from outside, and I have to decide whether to accept one, the other, both, or neither.

        Yesterday here in KY it was primary election day. There were 4 races for statewide offices, so I did my homework and went to the polls. Last night, watching the results come in, I noticed most of my choices were not winning; I was disappointed but not surprised. This is one of many times where I find my personal choices usually do not match the choices of the majority of the population. My usual analysis concludes that what I value most highly is not what others put at the top of their priority list.

       Making choices is a part of daily life and each is powered by decisions. For each of us, normally these decisions grow out of a highly personal mix of influences shaped by things like education, values, media choices, and friends. We also tend to relate more comfortably with those whose judgments and influences are compatible with our own. This creates for each of us an arena of mutual support and affirmation, a comfort that is shaken when passionate differences crop up; the dissonance can be challenging.

       Sources of dissonance often come down to this: contradicting opinions about what is most important. Isn’t this the situation in a lot business, political, and even personal disagreements? Isn’t this how factions form, whether in the New Testament or today? Isn’t this at least part of how majority and minority groups come to exist?

.It can be very unpleasant to be in the middle of a dissonant situation. Is there anything one person can do? Here are some of my own thoughts on this:
   1) First I need to recognize how often dissonance shows up in daily life, from personal disagreements on food or movies to advertisements that use dissonance to sell products. It’s part of living in a group.
   2) Try to find something in the other position that I do not totally reject; this could turn into a small shared point of view.
  3)  Ask myself what could be the source of the others’ passion about the topic. Even a wrong guess could mellow my own perspective because it means I can see an angle from which to get new insight.
 4)  Decide if it is important to try to get to a point of dialogue right now, or should I leave things as they are until another time.

Differences and doorways can be reminders that dissonance is daily, but handled with thoughtfulness, reflection, and even prayer, they might lead us to be more tolerant of letting go and of change in general.

            Sr. Colleen Winston, OSB